Jellyfish Suck

This is what I started writing last weekend in bed but never got around to finishing because I was too busy being in bed:

"Things I should've done this weekend:
    •    Look for an apartment
    •    Find an apartment
Things I didn't do this weekend:
    •    Look for an apartment
    •    Find an apartment
Shame factor on a scale of 0-10:
    •    0

Worst case scenario, I get sent home. If that were to happen, I would get an all-expenses-paid trip home (because I would not pay for it, even if Dr. Ricci gave me carte blanche to bribe me into paying) to get beat (incessant swirlies and stoning) by my parents or I'd just run away from Italy and spend some time in another Schengwheteghaehen country. Like Poland. I would go live in a former ghetto-turned-museum and I would become a self-taught pianist and I would get a nose job and I would marry a nice Mexican drug smuggler."

I pride myself on being incredibly diligent. Long story short, I did actually find an apartment. More below...

Phrase of the weekend here in Italy: "I'm so glad we're alive!!!!!"

To be honest, I don't remember the last thing I blogged about. It's been both a stressful and exhilarating week-ish. I'll try my best to recount the semi-important stuff that went down.

5/9: I have no idea what happened on this day.

6/9: Monday - we started our presession courses. My teacher's name is Christine Dodd. She's adorable. The objective of the course is essentially to somehow introduce us to an Italian-style classroom environment. Which I don't think it is, really. Considering we do some kind of role-play exercise almost every day. In my class, we're reviewing the oh-so-popular subjunctive, etc. and reading a crime/thriller novel thing. Synopsis? A female student in Bologna becomes accidentally involved in some kind of cocaine-related srs bsns and people are trying to kill her. It's probably the most uplifting literature I've ever had the pleasure of reading.

6/9-9/9: Pretty basic. Class in the morning from 10-12.30 daily, (Wednesday we had an Art History course with a Professor Benevolo, who looks Polish. To be honest, I hardly paid attention. Crucify me, house-hunting was exhausting). Found a gorgeous apartment to live in right in the center of the city. It's recently remodeled and my bedroom is fracking huge. My roommate's names are Leandra and Luana. I haven't met Luana, but Leandra is adorable and super sweet. In fact, we just had lunch together and she helped me figure out the freaking washing machine. I should not have waited to wash all my underwear at once because dryers don't exist here. So tomorrow, I will either have to go commando or wear wet undies. I will make a pros and cons list later. The apartment search was stressful, but I don't think I worried about it as much as I should have. The only reason I was able to contact Leandra was because I finally paid to use the contacting service at www.studenti.it, instead of just ogling at the pictures of the apartment and praying she'd send me a message online. I found the apartment on Thursday, essentially the last possible full day to find a place. Even walked in the pouring rain for it. Poetic.

10/9: On Friday, we had a "gastronomical tour of Bologna." The tour guide was super nice, I didn't hear two words she said the entire morning. I was too busy a) taking creeper pics, b) eating as much free food as possible, and c) taking creeper pics. That morning, Nicola, Mallory and I spontaneously decided that on Saturday, we'd go to Cinque Terre for a day and a half.

11/9: We were cruelly forced to vacate the oasis that is Hotel Holiday this morning. So now it is a sad anniversary for more than one reason. Despite the fact that the cleaning ladies would randomly barge in on my slumber, and that Mal and I could hardly keep our room organized for more than a day, and that the couple next door engaged in some very passionate love-making, and that breakfast was way too early, it was the best hotel ever. Ate a lot of kebaP and watched a lot of Lost: two of my favorite things in the whole world. In short, I moved into my apartment. Took a cab for about four blocks and my roomie Lea was a badass and lugged my 70-lb. suitcase up a decent amount of steps. I unpacked, and then met up with Blondie and the other Rican, with our backpacks that weighed as much as a fat babies, and made our way to the train station where we took a too-many-hrs-long train ride to Monterosso: and Hotel Souvenir.

I wish I would've taken pictures. Our room was a complete dump. I'm sorry, let me correct myself, we had a villa. Except for it's probably a villa that people with a low, low, low standard of living would find livable. Will Smith and the Karate Kid in The Pursuit of HappIness would've probably chosen to live in that one bathroom in that one scene instead of our room at Hotel Souvenir. It was completely isolated from the rest of the hotel, and in really bad shape. I'm being over-dramatic, but these are simple truth facts. On the plus side, however, the beds and pillows were amazing. Despite the fact that there were lizards on the ceiling nearby and the window screens were held together with several thumb tacks and that the bathroom didn't really have a door let alone a shower and that the walls of the villa were separating from the foundation and a young boa constrictor could've easily slithered through the holes. Snakes. I know things about them.

We ran the hellllllll out of Hotel Murder House after putting our stuff away and proceeded to hike the path from Monterosso to Vernazza, which was amazing. It was rough, especially the sections with the never-ending stairs, but rewarding. We went right as the sun was low, so it was cooler, and there weren't as many Australians tourists slowing down the pace. A lot more fun, despite my having the physical stamina of a 70-year-old with emphysema and a peg leg. Once we got to Vernazza, we waited for about 6 years for our train to finally arrive, after being delayed constantly for forEVER. We proceeded to buy Breezers and gelato while we waited with our urine towels wrapped around our torsos (yeah, we bought these towels and then later discovered they smelled like urine. This is not an exaggeration: they smelled very, very strongly of urine). Eventually the train showed up, about an hour late, and by the time we had all mustered up the will to shower in whatever the hell kind of shower that was, most of the restaurants in Monterosso had closed their kitchens. With much effort except for not much at all, we found a nice man that was willing to keep the kitchen open a bit longer for us, and had an average-quality dinner right on the Mediterranean Sea. I'm gloating and I love it. Then we went to hang out at this LAME-O [American] bar (we always end up at the dumbest bars, I don't know what's wrong with us), and then stumbled right into our cots at Monterosso's finest lodging.

12/9: Woke up early and realized we slept with the light on and our valuables within inches of us, and rejoiced in the fact that we had not been taken. Checked out of Hotel Never Again, picked up some breakfast and water, and proceeded to hike straight on for the next few hours: Monterosso to Vernazza, Vernazza to Corniglia (DEATH), Corniglia to Manarola, and Manarola to Riomaggiore. When we went swimming on the way to Manarola, my glorious bagno was RUINED by some asshole jellyfish who were just chilling in the water like they own~ the place. Naturally, I panicked and got the hells out, thanks to this very helpful Australian woman who decided to share with everyone and their cat her jellyfish sting story. OH BOO HOO.



We started the hike around 12.00 and finished around 17.00 (including an hour-long meal at Manarola which was incredible) and hopped on the train home to Bologna around 18.00 and made it back around 21.00. That is, after we were scolded and forced out of our seats for accidentally sitting in First Class (I love it when that happens. Seriously, you basically get a quality ride - depending on how long you go without getting caught - without having to pay a fine if you just move). We must've been too preoccupied since we thought we were on the wrong train. We were hesitant to trust the awkward Canadian boy who told us it was stopping in Bologna. He was right. Doesn't make him any less Canadian. Once I got back home, Lea and I had a long chat while we watched the Miss Italia pageant. Enthralling, really.

13/9: On Monday, more trains. We went with the program to Ravenna, a historic city (at one point the capital of the Roman Empire) that's about 90 minutes away from Bologna on the slow train, for a nice boring day trip. It wasn't boring, but staring at mosaics just isn't my thing. I can pay attention to art history and enjoy it, but only when I want to. At Ravenna, I was still worn out from the weekend, and was simply not in the mood to hear about things that happened before Iker Casillas was born. That goes for anything, though, really. As far as I'm concerned, that's when life as we know it began.

Again, my mind was mostly fixated on creeper pics and free food.

HOWEVER, I was able to purchase some books that I really wanted to read. Aka Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (the Italian and British versions), The Kite Runner, and Alice In Wonderland (of which, believe it or not, I have neither a) read the book or b) watched any movie based on the book. Crucify me, Puerto Ricans don't like Alice. I made that up). In the Italian version of Harry Potter, Snape is Severus Piton (as in "python") and Neville Longbottom is Neville Paciock. That's all I know so far. It's weird. How do the Italians sing the Potter Puppet Pals song?!?

Once we got back from Ravenna, I went over to Nicola's apartment, where we did homework and watched Lost. These girls are just incredibly obsessed with that stupid t.v. show. They need to get lives.

14/9: That's today! Didn't do much: class, lunch with Lea, the dreaded meeting on university and BCSP courses, and then we went to this amazing library in Piazza Maggiore called Sala Borsa, which means "stock exchange." Apparently the stock exchange used to be held there, way back when. In the main hall of the building, parts of the floor are transparent so you can see ancient Roman ruins that the grounds were built upon. When we meet the Mayor on the 23rd, we get to go down there. PRIVILEGED, WE ARE. After Sala Borsa, Nicola and I went to the Coop, where we bought some essentials, Lea and I had dinner, then N, M, and I watched Lost. Again. It was The Hunting Party aka Jears Fest, how can I pass that up?!?!? Tomorrow, I'm going to help Lea make me pasta carbonara. She rocks.

I've managed to steal wi-fi from some Apple network nearby. Hey, the longer I don't have to pay for it, the better...my roommate arrives tomorrow from Sicily. She better be cool, otherwise I'll just ignore her. KIDDING I'll just suffocate her in her sleep. KIDDING I'll just sleep on the window sill. Outside. KIDDING!!!!!!

Wow, I need sleep. Okay bye!!!!