Traveling

While I was waiting in Frankfurt for five hundred hours for my aereo to Bologna, I started thinking of what I had seen throughout the day, what I'd experienced traveling-wise that I hadn't before, and what stupidities I could say about it. Here's some of the stuff I wrote down. Disclaimer: I had been awake for about 12 hours straight at this point, lugging around about 150-lbs' worth of luggage and trying to figure out how to both navigate an airport and keep on the lookout for hotties I could maintain awkward eye contact with (some of this stuff is from the past couple of days as well).

• I have some insane control over my body. I'm Spider-Man. After he gets used to his web, is what was on my mind the entire time that I was waiting for my flight in Frankfurt. I was attempting to nap, all the while being able to watch my stuff so no one tried to take advantage of my comatoseness and attempt to steal my ever-important stash of plastic tampons. In order to do this, I had to assert some sort of control so that I could make myself wake up every like 5 minutes or so and verify my stuff was still there/that I didn't accidentally fall asleep for 5 hours and miss my flight. Knowing Italians (how very little I know them), I highly doubt they would wake me up like this one girl on my flight to Atlanta was once we started boarding. Especially considering that today, while we were walking around central Bologna, some poor blind guy ran into a post while attempting to cross the street and no one even turned an eye or tried to help him the rest of the way. True story.
• People ride bicycles in the airport. Inside the airport. I don't know if this is an exclusively German thing, but it was both ridiculously hilarious and dangerous. I was almost run over multiple times. The bikes did have bells though...but not everyone used them.
• My flight attendant was this adorable gay German guy. I was in love with him, he was so sweet. Am I positive that he was gay? Absolutely not, my gaydar is horrible.
  
• I forgot to take drugs before the long international flight. Still cliffing myself about that one.
• Oceans is probably one of the most beautiful films I've ever seen. That is, until they show freaking sharks de-finned and thrown back into the water like trash and the filmmakers decide that it'd be artistic and profound for them to show the poor shark sinking into the dark, dark depths of the ocean. Maybe that's why I couldn't sleep.
• I can't speak a word of Italian.
• Aisbnbiiiaihgozoijosirjha. Could probably pass for a German word. I have intense respect for people who take time to learn that language. It's almost as weird as Basque. It seems incredibly complicated, I would never have the patience for it. Plus, it makes people sound angry when they speak and I'm all about the peace.

• All of the pages on the Internet have switched automatically to Italian. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• People wear flip-flops. And shorts. And they are far from shy about showing skin. We were lied to. I've been frantically searching for decent sandals that won't murder my feet for the past 2 days to no avail. I thought Milan was one of the fashion capitals of the world. We're only two hours from there, you'd think some of that shit would reach us.
  
• Europe, a.k.a. Italy, the organization of its cities, reminds me of Little People, Big World. Except for more like, Little People, Little World. Everything is so close together, I feel like there's barely space for people to breathe. Screw this analogy. In a piazza is one of the few places where you can actually see the sky. I miss corn fields and actual space. Having a yard but not really using it but just being happy to know that it's there just in case...
• I DON'T KNOW ANY VERBS!!!!!!!
• Saw a guy at the airport with shiny Converse. If I ever date a guy who wears shiny, metallic Converse, shoot me and convince me to turn lez, that is just insulting to your masculinity.
• Unless you're traveling for business, why would you wear stilettos while you're traveling? Are you stupid?
• I'm quite certain this one couple was in 2 out of 3 of my flights. Russian spies.
• I love watching couples walk around, because all you ever see is the woman talking and the guy staring off into nothingness. 

Things I'll Miss About America:

• Shitty food that slowly kills you
• The iPhone - oh wait, everyone and their cat has an iPhone. Worldwide. I'm surprised I've even seen iPhones here, considering they cost almost €600. I bet Maddox Jolie-Pitt has an iPhone
• Real Madrid games in the morning vs. late at night. I like having my whole day ahead of me so then I can purge my mind of the memories of a horrible game, if necessary. (Our first game of the season just finished. We drew 0-0 and played like crap. Granted, it was a rough game, away, against a good team that's even better at home, so it was positive in that sense. It could've easily been a loss for us had it not been for some good saves from our ever-brilliant goalkeeper. When I go see them live, all them bitches better be on their a-games and Jose better be wearing a black suit).
• Tall guys. A rarity here. 
• Wearing pajamas to the grocery store
• The Kardashians
• Giant cars. Trucks. Hummers. Slowly murdering our planet.
• Pennies. 
• I miss fat people. I miss having fat people everywhere around me. This may be crude for all you softies, but I like feeling good about my size - a rare emotion for me. I have a Latina's ass and my hips don't lie; Italians being so fit and wearing such tight clothes (even when they shouldn't...that takes confidence I don't quite possess) does not help my self-esteem issues. I guess I'm one of those vile people who thrives off of other people's misfortunes. Crucify me.
• Not having to wear a watch and instead having to go frantic trying to search for a clock or some indication of time. The Italians seem to never have schedules, or clocks, and are never in a rush, always relaxed and "in the moment." Us Americans love being busy-bees (although we apparently have a reputation for being lazy), and wandering around without concrete tasks is kind of strange for us. That will all change come Tuesday, though. And I can't even justify wanting to sit around and veg out because I've only been here for two and a half days. Ugh.
• People speak too many languages here. Just stick to one and stop showing off. Please be less civilized so I can feel somewhat less intimidated about being able to speak every language I attempt to speak, poorly. Is that too much to ask?
• Matthew Fox's hair needs to be at least two inches long at all times. This has nothing to do with anything except for my strong desire to see him wet and sweaty and running through a jungle shooting things every week. 
 

• Hahahahaha I'm just kidding, pennies are so stupid.

I think that's all I have to say for right now. I'll write more specifics later. Now it's off to the shower, and to Photoshop until the Emmy's are on. At 2 a.m.

Worth it.

But if Matthew Fox loses I will kill a puppy.